Grant and Michelle: Marriage over Money

Grant Hoffecker and Michelle Ji are engaged to be married on June 11th.

Both Grant and Michelle have been very involved in Cru since they were freshman. (Grant actually put his faith in Jesus during his freshman year.)  They started dating at the end of that year and got engaged last spring.  God has used them to lead Community Groups, and mentor younger students throughout their time here at Cornell.  Michelle is a part of our Yellowstone Summer Project tradition; she went on that mission trip back in 2013.  Since that time she has helped others to catch a vision for summer missions with Cru!

Michelle is a pretty quiet and reserved person generally, but ever since her freshman year she has been able to express herself and bless others by playing guitar.  Whether she was playing a comedic ballad with some of the other ladies or helping accompany our praise band, her talent's were enjoyed by others.  Grant is known for his sincerity and  helpful spirit.   Grant is a guy who loves his friends family well.  During the past couple of years he would bring his Dad out to our February retreat which was really cool.

Last Spring's Engagement was an incredible celebration for friends and family!

As a couple, Grant and Michelle have set a great example.  Starting out as friends, they moved into their dating adventure with a zeal to keep Christ at the center.   With the help of friends, they have fought hard at every turn to seek God and walk in ways that glorify him.  This past fall they navigated a  pretty significant challenge in a way that encourages the heck out of me!

Grant interned at Linkedin last summer and when they offered to give him a full time job after graduation, he gladly accepted it.  After they honeymoon, Grant and Michelle will start their new life together in San Francisco. Then, during the fall, Michelle was offered a job with Apple in the Bay Area.  What a great opportunity!  Apple is a cool company, the pay was good and the location was right on!  Everything seemed to be coming together perfectly!  But when the details of the job were revealed, things got messy.  The job that Michelle was offered would require her to travel to Asia for about 30% of the year.  Almost every month she would be gone for days and days at a time.

Michelle and Grant began to pray and deliberate.  Yes, working for Apple was a "good career move."  Yes, the pay was good.  But what about those really important things besides career and money?  Was this a good job for marriage health?  Is the nature of this job worth sacrificing so much relational time for?  Was it a good idea to have a job that required a husband and wife to be separated for almost a third of the year?  Would it be wise to have that kind of a job during the first year of marriage while trying to establish a strong healthy foundation for the future?

Grant and Michelle are driven by a vision to have a strong Jesus-centered marriage; a marriage where they love each other well and a marriage that can be used by God to bless others.  Grant and Michelle want to help each other to flourish as disciples of Christ and they hope that as a couple they can help others to see and understand the gospel.  Having that kind of marriage is actually quite difficult!  It takes a great deal of faith fueled hard work!

Many people thought that Michelle should take the job.  Most Cornell students in her position would definitely have taken the job!   There is no doubt it would have been good for their financial future.  The truth is, they could be more "rich" if Michelle said yes to Apple!  But the reality is that life is about more than just money or a career!   Grant and Michelle made a decision that would better serve their relational future: Michelle turned down the job!

The decision to not take the job at Apple was not easy.    It was -and continues to be scary to have said "no" to such a reputable job.  Although Michelle has applied for some other jobs, nothing has panned out yet, and the waiting has been extremely nerve wracking!!  It's easy to wonder whether or not they made the "right" decision.

I personally think they made a great decision!   I love their faith and conviction!  Grant and Michelle want to have a marriage that is healthy and strong in love. They want to be a couple who together, live out the stuff Paul was talking about in Ephesians chapter 5;  Paul explained that marriage is ultimately about Christ and the Church.  A God-centered marriage gives the world a picture of the good news that Jesus Christ loves his people with an awesome and magnificent love!    In order to cultivate that kind of marriage, you've got to be together!   Many people are all too willing to sacrifice relational flourishing for financial gains; they literally prioritize money over marriage.  But Grant and Michelle chose otherwise.

Grant and Michelle are trusting God with their future.  I'm certain God will provide a job for Michelle, and looking back, there will be no regrets!

February Retreat.  Grant's dad, Grant and Joshua Tai out at the Tenwood Lodge.  

Tyler Kelleher: Content in God

Tyler Kelleher enrolled in the Cornell vet school in the fall of 2010.  He did his undergad at UC Davis where he had been involved with Cru, and when he showed up to Ithaca he had just finished a Summer Project in South Africa.   Because of his experience in ministry he was able to jump right in to our movement and was a dedicated leader pretty much from day one.

Many grad students find it difficult to stay plugged in with campus fellowships, but Tyler was truly an exception.  He possessed a spiritual maturity that came from age and experience, but he operated with a vitality that made you think he was still an undergrad!   He was very involved in the leadership of small groups and he was a huge part of our praise band.

Tyler in Guatemala

"Authenticity" really became the theme of the evening at our senior share, and Tyler brought some powerful reflections to the table.

He titled his message "The sufficiency of Christ and displaying the gospel in singleness".  He opened up about what it looks like to cope with disappointment in relationships.  Basically, what do you do when you really want to be married and it just doesn't seem to be working out with anyone?   He talked about really finding your identity in Christ and and resting in His unconditional, overwhelming and profoundly sufficient love.

At the beginning of his talk, Tyler said candidly "I want to be married and I'm not afraid to admit it."  He talked about God's good and glorious design for marriage and expressed his plain desire to have a wife.  He went on to talk about how he had pursued relationships with Godly women over the years -in a way that was honorable and God-glorifying and yet nothing had panned out.  He talked about the discouragement that comes with growing older and seeing friends and even his younger brother get engaged and find a spouse. He talked openly about believing lies.  It's easy when things aren't going how we expected them to go for us to believe things that aren't true about God and about ourselves.  Tyler began wrestling with the idea that there was something wrong with him, and that God was holding out on him.  Ultimately he began to believe that he was "unlovable".

Tyler said "I Ultimately realized that I that was believing a lie which boiled down to 'I’m not lovable'.

That was nothing less than a Satanic lie. Yes, we are all messed up and in need of grace, that’s true, but the enemy wants you to believe that part without acknowledging the rest of the story, namely THE CROSS!!!

From Jesus’ work on the cross, we can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are loved.

Jesus was willing to endure the pain of being betrayed, scourged, mocked, and ultimately murdered for the sake of reconciling us and bringing us back to Himself to be with him forever"

After preaching the gospel and talking about his journey towards peace in the face of disappointment, Tyler went on to encourage everybody to maximize their singleness. He said "we shouldn’t be feeling unloved, discouraged or incomplete!  We should live in Christ every day -even doing things that might be harder to do once you are married!  

Throughout the years, I had the chance to talk with Tyler about relationships many times.  And I can personally testify to the way he consistently treated the women around him with respect and honor.  I've seen him grow tremendously in his faith as he believed God.  I know that God has a plan for him, and statistically speaking,  he will most likely get married some day.  But I can see clearly that God has a unique path for Tyler. Right now he's headed to California where he plans to work as a vet for a few years and then he wants to work somewhere overseas.  Tyler has a heart that is very missional and would like to work somewhere where he can make a significant difference.

Tyler provided leadership on our Guatemala Spring Break mission trips

Boaz Gets Crazy with Ruth

With a story line straight out of a country song, the Book of Ruth chapter 3 finds Naomi devising a way for her daughter in law to get a husband!   It’s a farm town Friday night at the end of harvest season and she’s determined not to let a quality cowboy like Boaz get away.   Convinced that every guy is keen for a moonlight romp in the hay –or barley as it happened to be in this case, she’s certain she knows how to take this relationship to the next level!  

I made my first visit to Tabernacle Baptist Church this past week.  Numerous Cru students are members there and they are very supportive of college ministry all the way around.  Pastor Paris has been teaching thru the book of Ruth –and yesterdays sermon aligned nicely with the stuff we’ve been talking about at Real Life the last couple of weeks; Marriage, sex, and dating.

The book of Ruth’s three main characters are:

Naomi –a Hebrew widow who is wounded, bitter and broken by the hardships of life.

Ruth – a Moabite, one of Naomi’s daughter–in-laws.  She is also a widow.

Boaz – an upstanding Hebrew man, prosperous, hardworking and Godly.

In Chapter 1, Naomi leaves Moab in hopes of finding life and food back in her native land of Judah.  Ruth was determined to stay with her, and famously declares “your people will be my people, and your God, my God.”  (Ruth 1:16)

In Chapter 2, Ruth meets Boaz while gleaning grain in his field.   (According to the Mosaic law, farmers/landowners  were to refrain from harvesting their whole field and the poor were allowed to pick whatever they could along the edges. Leviticus 19:9-10) He treats her with kindness, blesses her with food and instructs his workers to make sure she “finds” plenty of grain.   He invites her to keep close to his guys in his field so that she’ll be safe.  He doesn’t even really know her, but he’s immediately looking for ways to tangibly bless her life. 

Boaz is a stud all the way around, and as a distant relative of Naomi he’s a potential “kinsman redeemer” for Ruth –basically he could buy her out of widowhood and marry her.  That would be fantastic!  Boaz is a man of character, he’s generous, he looks out for others.   His workers respect him, he cares for the poor –this guy is the kind of guy anyone would want their daughter to marry –and Naomi becomes set on making that happen. 

In Chapter 3, it’s the end of the harvest season.  It’s kind of like “county fair” time, and Naomi contrives this plan to “catch a catch” as pastor Paris put it.   Here’s the plan in verses 3 and 4. 

Ruth 3:3-4

Wash therefore and anoint yourself, and put on your cloak and go down to the threshing floor, but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking. But when he lies down, observe the place where he lies. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down, and he will tell you what to do.”

“Sounds like seduction” said Pastor Paris!  I agree!  I’ve heard numerous sermons trying to make this whole interaction seem less funky, but I’ve always thought it seemed sketchy–especially given the norms of the day!  Pastor Paris refused to shy away from the shadiness and unpacked this section with tremendous contemporary application.

Naomi  basically tells Ruth to put on some perfume, get dressed up, wait for Boaz to finish eating and drinking wine and then go “lie with him” out in the barn.   Really wanting Boaz and Ruth to hook up –she makes a plan for them to actually hook up!  

Ruth’s supposed to go out and “uncover his feet?”  Paris explained that in Hebrew, it could certainly insinuate an uncovering of much more!   “Lie down, and he will tell you what to do.”   So she’s supposed to find him in the night, when no one else is around, crawl up to him wearing perfume, uncover at least his feet, and make herself available for whatever he says to do?!  Were the ladies in fact counting on the uncommon virtue of Boaz to make this turn out differently than one would expect?  Ruth told her mother-in-law “All that you say I will do” –some say she was just being a respectful daughter?   Was she acquiescing to a shady plan because she was trusting and naïve?  I can’t believe it!  I think both of these ladies, were defaulting to “Moabite methods!”*  Sleeping with a guy isn’t the best way to get a husband –but it has worked for billions of people!

At midnight, with his “feet” exposed, Boaz awakes with incredible fright to hear Ruth’s proposition.  Things definitely get crazy –but not like you might think!

Rather than engaging inappropriately with a woman who is not his wife, Boaz makes a declaration of NO COMPROMISE!  First of all, check out the way he starts talking about the Lord.  He then promises that he will follow the legitimate procedures for making Ruth his lawful wife.  He will not take what is not his.  Instead, he gives.  He sends Ruth home with grain for Naomi.  He’s a man of integrity, and rather than taking any short-cuts, Boaz is determined to do things God’s way!   Taking the responsibility upon himself, he proceeds to expend himself to arrange the marriage.

Here’s what’s crazy –on that day, and on this day –BOAZ HONORS RUTH!  He loves her, he cares for her, protects her and cherishes her.  In short, he loves her in the same crazy way that Jesus loves! 

*Moabite Methods:  What i'm calling Moabite, are certainly common enough.  People making up their own sexual ethic, trying to make marriage happen however they can etc.  But, it is interesting to see where the Moabites started.  We're talking about a whole culture of people who were literally spawned into existence thru an act of devastating sexual brokenness.  Check out Genesis 19:30-29

Dating Insights?

This Friday at our Large Group meeting on Campus, I will be talking about God's designs in Marriage, sex and the modern mode of pairing off commonly known as dating....

Barrett Keene is one of our good friends and so is Bethany Nichols. They are currently dating.   Barrett is still a PhD student, and Bethany graduated last spring and is currently working with Teach For America in NYC.

This past weekend, we were hanging out at our house and since the topic was relevant, we turned on the iphone and captured some relationship "insights" from the Betts Brothers.  Ruby chimes in with some girly perspective at the end.