Old School Integrity

I wrote this down shortly after my dad passed away:

One characteristic that I think truly defined my dad was integrity.  I found his authentic and consistent honesty remarkable, and whenever I shared with others about my dad, I usually mentioned it.  I think most people found it refreshing, while at least a few who had a mind to cheat on their taxes found it shocking and convicting.  (My dad was a CPA)   And, I know I was certainly convicted over the years. 

One time in high school – I was probably 15 or 16 years old.  I was falling behind on some homework, slacking off really, and I needed to get caught up.  I borrowed someone else’s homework, one of my friends,  and was sitting in my room copying answers page after page.  I had the door closed, and I was making good time.  My dad came in to my room, and I must’ve flinched something serious and he knew right away something wasn’t right.  I tried to tell my dad it wasn’t a big deal, and he told me the story that my brothers and sisters and I have heard at least 20 times each.

We call it the “nail story” and it’s blessed our lives, so I’m gonna pass it on to you. 

When my dad was 8 or 9 years old, a house was being built down the road from where he lived.  One day –could’ve been a Sunday, might’ve been after hours - no one was around and he wandered over to the work site.  Looking around, he noticed there were tons of nails all over the place, in the dirt, on the ground.  He spent some good time gathering all the nails he could find and filled up a whole coffee can.  “Score” he thought as he walked home with his treasure.

But my grandfather had a different take.  “Is that your house they are building over there?” he asked him.  “no sir.”  Is that your construction crew working on that house?”  “no sir”  “Is that your land, was that your dirt that you found those nails in?  Was that your property?”  “no sir”.  Then, those aren’t your nails.   You didn’t pay for them.  What you did is called stealing, and stealing is wrong.”    The next day, my grandpa walked my dad down to the site where he apologized for stealing and handed the foreman that full coffee can of nails. 

That was old school!

Our dad learned that just because you find something doesn’t  mean it’s yours, and just because you can get something for free doesn’t mean you should.   He consistently taught us that just because you can do something the easy way, doesn’t mean it’s the right way.   Truthfulness, honesty, integrity matter. And they are good.

Jesus said, “blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,” and by God’s grace, my dad really did.    

Bill Betts; At Peace with God

It’s been 10 days since my father, Bill Betts passed away.  He went to be with our savior and God on the night of January 19th, 2012.

My father loved Jesus, and by God’s grace, he was saved by faith.  His sins were forgiven –paid for by Christ’s blood, and so his soul entered God’s glorious presence covered by the righteousness of Christ. 

I am grateful that I got to be with him as he died, and I am very thankful that he was able to go so peacefully.

The night before he died, I had been reading the Bible to him.  We were reading thru a yearly Bible plan, and we were off schedule according to the date.  But, by God’s providence, we were right where we needed to be. 

Jesus’ words in John 14 bring truth and comfort.

¹ “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. ² In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

My mom and I were at home along with my sister Rachel and her fiancé Bryn.  My dad had been bedridden for months, and we were in the process of changing his diaper and linens when his breathing slowed, his eyes closed and he began to fade out.  My mother was holding his head in her arms and with our hearts racing and tears in our eyes, we held him and told him we loved him and prayed to Jesus; thanking him for his grace and mercy and reminding our dad of God’s great love for him.

In the moment, there was a certain tranquility, and yet it was possibly the most intense thing that I’ve ever gone thru in my life.   And although we’d lived in expectation of that moment for months now, I’m not sure you can ever be truly prepared.  The passing of an eternal soul from one place to the next is simply intense.  

As his life slipped away, we called my brother and other sister Leslie and they came over right away.   My Grandma and aunts and uncles and cousins arrived quickly along with Stephanie and our kids and we all grieved, cried and prayed together. 

We take great comfort knowing that my dad was ready to go.  The cruelness of Lou Gehrig’s disease had prepared him mentally (and certainly physically) to go, but he was also ready spiritually. 

Romans 5:1,2

¹ Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.

My dad was a wonderful dad and a kind, loving man who touched many peoples lives.   He will be missed by me and those who loved him for the rest of our lives here on earth for sure.  But there is hope and joy even despite our grieving because of Christ.   Our hope is sure, not because my dad was was a pretty great guy, but because our God is a really great God. 

Because of what Jesus did on the cross, we can confidently assert that our dad is in a better place and his suffering is over. 

Mom and Dad Celebrate

      Despite the negative circumstances, I must say that it is totally awesome to be home for the Holidays.  We haven't been able to come home for Christmas in years, so spending this time with our parents, siblings and extended family is really great!

On the 22nd of December my parents celebrated 38 years of marriage!  Certainly, they are gaining deep insight into their covenant vows to stick beside each other "in sickness and in health" this year, and we had a wonderful time celebrating all that God has done in and thru them.

My dad had a good day!  He spent the day pretty content; sleeping a good amount, but also awake and alert at different times.  We all got to take pictures together and he was engaged with us, doing his best to pose with us and look at the camera!  That was a gift from him to my mom and the rest of us!

We got out their original wedding photo and hung it up on the wall behind my dad's bed.  

Going out to dinner was out of the question, but our sister-in-law Wendy prepared a delicious dinner and we all gathered together like we do almost every night now to eat and hang out.  All the kids and grandkids were there along with my grandma and one of my aunts.  

We are so thankful for my dad. 

This is me with my sister Leslie, Rachel, my mom and my brother David

Here's my dad with all 7 of his grandkids

My brother David, my Dad and Me

This Season of Suffering

In this post I want to give you an update about our current life situation.  (updated 1/30)

This summer we got to spend time in Santa Fe.  In these previous posts, (post 1, post 2) I updated you about my dad’s declining health status; he has recently died from ALS.

Here we are together at my parents home in Santa Fe, NM

Though my dad had been struggling since the fall of 2010, it was difficult to imagine or comprehend exactly how the disease was destroying him until we visited and saw him in person.  Although his speech had been degrading throughout the year, we’d been corresponding on the telephone and without seeing him, we could not fully understand all the ways his body was being affected.   Seeing him at home when we visited this summer was thoroughly shocking.  We were consumed with grief for days, even as we tried to hang out and interact with him and enjoy our time together as a family.

My dad required full-time around the clock caretaking.  As the weeks wore on his body became more and more paralyzed.   In December, he lost his ability to  support any weight at all on his own two legs.   He got an amazing wheelchair, but his decline was so rapid he barely got to use it at all.   It was motorized and  using his head, he could adjust the foot rest and the reclining features of the chair.  He only went outside one time in that chair; just to the porch.   ALS took away his ability to speak; which was by far the most terrible affect.  He also was unable to eat and had to receive nutrients thru a tube.    His arms ceased to work and his body atrophied and collapsed around him.  Physically he was completely debilitated.   We had to help him do everything and he was totally bed-ridden for almost two months.

With ALS, one’s mind is generally un-affected though current reasearch is showing that approximately 50 percent of the time, ALS is accompanied by some degree of frontotemporal lobar degeneration.    Mentally my dad is still basically there, although we've observed what we believe are some cognitive affects which are altering the way he currently interacts, communicates and relates with us.    

My mom, dad, sister (Leslie) and me in Pecos, NM this summer

My mom was functioning as his primary caregiver, but we could see this summer that she needed a lot of help.   Relatives and friends have graciously pitched in to help her and my sister Rachel put her classes at UNM on hold to be at home.  But during our visit this in the summer of 2011 it became clear to Stephanie and I, that somehow we also needed to be there.  We need to be in Santa Fe with my dad, serving him and helping my mom during this season of suffering. 

We borrowed a wheelchair and went downtown this summer.

We returned to Cornell in August to get ready for our fall kick-off.  We did not know exactly what the future held, but we did want to proceed on campus with our students and get the school year rolling.   Together with our staff team and regional supervisors, we decided that we would get things going on campus and then leave after our Fall Retreat.  We were  granted a medical leave of absence in order to help my father in Santa Fe. 

The first 6 weeks on campus were some of the absolute best!   While living here we have maintained close contact with our staff team and have been coaching from a distance.   Right now the rest of our staff team and our CRU student leaders are trusting Jesus and doing an amazing job of shouldering the leadership burden.

We are currently living in New Mexico.  My father passed away just over a week ago.  (1/19/12) 

Along with the physical caretaking, it was critical during our time together to come around my dad and remind him of the hope of the Gospel.  Spiritually he is o.k.  He loves Jesus, and knows the comfort of God in the midst of this affliction, and yet, it is so easy to be overtaken with fear, attacked by anxiety.  As total paralysis and death draw nearer and nearer it is easy to get discouraged and depressed.     While with him this summer, we spent time reading from the Bible, reading Christian books and praying together.  We continued to do that together when we returned this fall.  Reading God's word and praying together were some of the best times that we had.  

You can read more about ALS disease here:   http://www.alsa.org/about-als/

By the Bed of the Dying

C.T. Studd has been described as the Michael Jordan of Cricket.  (Pick your sports icon: Babe Ruth, Tom Brady, Koby Bryant?...whatever.)   As a college student in the late 1800’s C.T. became a legend and an inspiration playing the most popular sport of his day in England.  He was a rising star destined for riches and renown as a professional player.   You could say he had everything going for him; he was having fun, he was successful.  But he was also drifting away from the things of God.

Then came his brother’s illness.   C.T.’s  younger brother George contracted some kind of sickness that left him bed-ridden and debilitated for weeks.   He was suffering and presumably headed towards his death.  C.T. spent time sitting beside his dying brother and it was there that God met him and prompted him to contemplate life. 

There is something quite powerful and transforming about sitting by the bed of someone who is dying –or even very sick.  I am currently becoming more acquainted with this as my dad’s ALS disease continues to paralyze more and more of his body.  I got to hang out with him this summer and I plan to join him again in just a few weeks.

Grieving beside his brother, C.T. thought "Now what is all the popularity of the world to George? What is all the fame and flattering? What is it worth to possess the riches of the world, when a man comes to face Eternity?"   The reality that life is a vapor (James 4:14) came to bear upon his soul and the brilliance of worldly fame began to pale as he thought about what really mattered.

Pastor Dave Jones at Bethel Grove Church here in Ithaca was talking this past Sunday about sitting beside a friend dying of pancreatic cancer.  This friend was the best man in his wedding.   Dave said  “sitting there you come to realize something that you should behold every day!  You realize that this life and this world are out of your control.”   It’s so easy to delude ourselves into thinking that we are stronger than we really are –more wise than we really are, and even more important.   We go thru life with a false sense of invincibility and an inflated view of our significance.  But death has a way of slapping you back to reality!   Watching someone die reminds you that we aren't that powerful and in fact we are all terminal. You come to a new place of desperation as you grasp the truth that you are not the king of the Universe!  From that vantage point, many are given the grace to see and finally know Him who is the king: the one who is in control.    Sitting there watching someone’s life expire you get to see the emptiness of those things we typically glory in and recognize the greatness of God.   

God miraculously spared George Studd’s life and he suddenly recovered from his illness.  But thankfully, C.T. never recovered from the transformation he experienced sitting by the bed of the dying.   He returned to college much less passionate about cricket and much more passionate about Jesus.  He begin sharing his faith and joining with other men for the purpose of prayer.  C.T. Studd committed his life to the cause of world missions.  Banding together with some other classmates, C.T. toured college campuses with the “Cambridge 7” challenging students to live for God and give themselves wholly to the work of God’s kingdom.  After that he departed to foreign mission fields.  

Everyone needs to come to the realization that this life and this world are out of your control.   But thankfully, our God is in control and he loves us. 

Here is a video of C.T. Studd sermon quotes: 

Visiting Santa Fe 2

Today we drove from Windsor Colorado where we had been for the past three days visiting Stephanie's parents and some of our cousins and other relatives.  I'll post some pictures from those three days soon, as there are many good ones!

But right now, we are back in Santa Fe for two nights before we had back to Ithaca.  We came back down here so that we can accompany my mom and dad to the UNM hospital tomorrow to meet with a team of doctors.  It's a big appointment with a team of specialists that my dad goes to every three months.  We'll get a lot of information related to my dad's rapidly degenerating health.

Two weeks ago, when I wrote a post my dad was feeding himself.  But at this point we must feed him.  Two weeks ago when I wrote, my dad was still walking around the house without any real assistance,   but not this week.   His confidence is down after a recent fall off the bed and so now he is using his walker around the house.  We borrowed a wheel chair from the neighbors, and when my dad goes out we are using it.  In the coming weeks, he will get one fitted specifically for him.   We acquired a motorized hospital bed from a friend, and hopefully in the coming weeks my mom can put that together.

Over the past few weeks we've been modifying the house in little ways to make it more ready for the wheel chair when it comes.

We love spending this time with my dad, and as we get ready to head back to NY we feel extremely burdened as we strive to figure out what exactly we should do to best serve and help my mom and dad.  Please pray for us as we learn more and walk together thru this season of difficulty.

A glorious and helpful passage comes from Nehemiah 8:10 -The joy of the Lord is your strength...


Tonight we also read Psalm 111 together.  My dad has been going thru the One Year Bible for sometime now.
[111:1]  Praise the LORD! I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart, in the company of the upright, in the congregation. [2] Great are the works of the LORD, studied by all who delight in them. [3] Full of splendor and majesty is his work, and his righteousness endures forever. [4] He has caused his wondrous works to be remembered; the LORD is gracious and merciful. [5] He provides food for those who fear him; he remembers his covenant forever. [6] He has shown his people the power of his works, in giving them the inheritance of the nations. [7] The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy; [8] they are established forever and ever, to be performed with faithfulness and uprightness. [9] He sent redemption to his people; he has commanded his covenant forever. Holy and awesome is his name! [10] The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever!

Visiting Santa Fe

We have been in New Mexico for 5 days and it has been good to be with family. 

In January of 2011, my dad, Bill was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s) Disease.   For the past few years he had been feeling more and more ‘run down’ and found it necessary to sleep a bit more and schedule in a daily nap in order to make it thru the day, but otherwise he seemed in pretty good health.   He began working part time in 2003, and he visited his doctor more frequently during the past few years, always suspecting something wasn’t quite right, but his day to day life was not drastically altered really until last fall.  

Since we saw him a year ago, much has changed.  Last summer Bill flew to NY to pick up my sister Rachel and together they drove across the country to NM in a car with no A/C.  That was an adventure and a fun memory for them both.    Our whole family met up and spent time together in Alamogordo, New Mexico before my brother and his family moved out to England with the Air Force.   We went to White Sands, NM and had a picnic, took family photos, and went to the (Holoman) Air Force Base pool with Uncle Dave.  We went up to the mountains, had a camp-fire.  We had easy late night conversations and played games together.

We hung out at White Sands last summer. 

But as summer the summer of 2010 ended and fall came along, my dad’s health began to decline more significantly.  At times his speech would slur in conversation and that prompted more doctor visits.  Something was certainly wrong.   Tests were run and specialists were consulted.  In time, the numerous symptoms left no room for doubt in anyone's mind that my dad has ALS.  

This summer everything is drastically different.    Now his speech is slow and he is very difficult to understand.  It is a labor for him to communicate.  His fingers are curled and no longer useful.  His walk is slow and unsteady.  His neck muscles struggle to hold up his head. He has lost significant weight.  He can no longer button his shirts or zip his pants.  Though the disease has progressed much in the past 6 months, there is still a lot Bill is able to do.   We are grateful that his is still walking!  He is still able to feed himself with the use of a special grip on his utensils.  We praise the Lord that we can still communicate some.  Bill has a good sense of humor and has joked that his speech is a new “foreign language” for us to learn.  We love to see him smile and hear him laugh at our stories!  Just this morning we took the kids to nearby park today to launch rockets and Bill joined us.  He was able to walk there on his own and got to enjoy his grandkids run around.  We are grateful for each new memory we get to make, and keenly aware that each day we have is a gift.

Shaving is difficult, so when we showed up, Bill was sporting a nice white beard.  I helped him shave it off the other night.  We called it "manscaping".

Lou Gehrig's Disease

Today I got a text message from my sister Leslie telling me that my dad was going to the doctor to check out his nose. It might be broken because he fell yesterday and knocked his face really hard. He got a cut and maybe his nose is bumped pretty bad. .

My dad has actually been going to the doctor a lot over the past few months, and has recently been diagnosed with ALS or "Lou Gehrig's Disease."

I love this picture here. We took it this summer the last time I was hanging out with my dad in Alamogordo, NM before my brother and his family shipped out to England. It was a wonderful time, we were all together. I'm not sure what my dad was laughing at here, but I love the joyful look on his face.

This was in July, and though my dad wasn't feeling 100% we had no idea that anything serious was going on inside. For the last several years, he's felt increasingly run down and low on energy. But, besides that, he was still operating fairly normally. Last year he drove around working for the census; cruising northern New Mexico in his truck, knocking on doors and taking surveys.

When my brother left in November, he had told me that our dad seemed to be talking more slowly. But, despite a slightly slower drawl, I was still having perfectly normal conversations with him on the phone. Even at Christmas time, my conversations with him were normal, though he was beginning to sense something going on with his throat and vocal chords and stuff.

We took this picture at White Sands this past July.

And we went out towards Cloudcroft and had a hilariously chaotic campfire. There were so many of our little ones around it was madness!

Today, my dad is experiencing lots of muscular deterioration and he is barely able to speak. I don't know exactly why the ALS messes with the throat and vocal chords, but it seems to be a pretty common symptom. We talk on the phone a little bit, but unfortunately it is hard to understand him; which is very sad for all of us.

Leslie and her husband Brad are living in Santa Fe, which is really cool. They are able to hang out with my mom and dad which is wonderful.

We are praying that the symptoms would be alleviated -I pray especially for my dad's ability to talk. Please join us in praying for his condition, and for my mom as she takes care of him during this time.